Torn
by E.M.PRAETORIAN
Summary: Midori ran instead of giving voice to her feelings. Read, enjoy, and review.
1. Chapter 1

MaiHime is owned by Sunrise.

All I have is the hands that won't stop shaking and the aching need in my in heart to be with and talk to you.

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Midori looked down at the woman in her arms, shaking and crying; this poor woman's world was falling apart. Midori keep looking around wondering how Kami could do such a thing. The words in her broken voice tore through Midori like a bullet and she looked back to the door of her apartment, heart torn in two directions.

Midori's open door policy with her friends and her loyalty to them had buoyed her through some of the toughest times in her life. More than once though, Midori allowed her own chances to fall by the wayside when she was needed by her friends. Friends that needed her to be the strong arms that keep them safe, the unbiased ears that listened as their hearts scream at the ruin of their lives. This morning it was costing her once more, how could she do both? How could she be a strong loyal friend and how could she open her heart to the woman Kami swept into her life through modern technology?

Midori had been having fun on-line with a woman she had come to admire in so many ways. Midori loved talking to this woman because it brought her out of the misery her life had become. Midori had thought she was happy following her professor and living her preplanned life, she found out she was wrong. Slowly Midori took the chance and allowed things to progress through her on-line friendship…and they did.

On a day heralded to be a lucky day Midori watched as their playful fun became something she'd been missing since leaving Fuuka . It was like the breath of life had been swept back into her lungs and Midori felt emboldened reaching out. No her professor didn't love her, couldn't love her, and for too long Midori was trapped in the viscous cycle of being too close and forever out of reach. Now her life seemed to brighten with each and every communication, hours of trading life's fun and misery with someone so far away and in every sense closer than anyone she'd ever been with before.

Midori took the chance and turned playful flirtation into open invitation, she wanted this woman to give her life meaning even if only through the words blazing across her laptop. As the night progressed into early morning, it was heaven's gift pouring through each communication; Midori's hands shook as she waited for each and every line to appear. She would laugh at her immaturity as she tried to type in return and watched as her words seemed to form stuttering phrases on the screen, when she needed to them to be intimate instead.

Midori wanted to reach through her laptop monitor and pull this woman into her arms and to her bed. Every communication brought her closer and closer to that wonderful release she needed and had been wanting for so long. Midori slowed her nervous hands and tried to convey her needs, desires, as this woman brought her alive once more.

Just as Midori sent out her next communication, one that would bring them so close to fulfillment, there was a loud honking horn outside of her apartment. Midori moved to her window, she hated honking horns for the rudeness they conveyed, and noticed through her blissful haze that one of her friends was laying on said rude horn.

Midori stepped outside and was tackled by her friend, "You weren't answering your cell phone and I didn't know what else to do?"

"What happened?" Midori asked as her friends tears started to soak through her shirt.

"She left me…she told me she didn't love me anymore. There were no signs, Midori, nothing…she just packed while I watched and left me," her friend replied through her tears.

Midori looked down at the broken woman in her arms and back to her apartment door. Hell had visited her front porch and Heaven was waiting inside her apartment on her laptop. _Why me? Midori thought as the woman screamed and cried in her arms, Why now, it's supposed to be my turn to be happy for once._ It had taken nearly forty minutes to calm her friend down and bring her into the apartment. Midori settled her friend onto her bed covering her before leaving the room. Midori looked back from the doorway and remembered every pain she had felt when her world crumbled and knew she had done right by being there for her friend.

With lead feet, Midori returned to her laptop and found two awaiting messages. Midori went for the most recent and her stomach dropped. Her loyalty had cost her again, this time it was the open line to this woman she had been reaching out to so intimately. Her words of apology cut Midori like sharp razors and Midori typed a response that couldn't even begin to convey her feelings or what had happened.

Midori sat back after posting and pulled up the other email. Midori's whole body shook as she read the lines that she had been waiting for and wondered if she would ever see again. After staring at those words until she fell asleep, Midori woke to find them still glaring at her from her laptop monitor. Her friend had left a note and was gone and Midori was now once again alone.

Midori wanted to send another email, explaining her absence but she couldn't find the words as her heart seemed to have exploded in her chest. Midori turned off her laptop and left her apartment. A ride to the local beach in this crazy little city where she was living was about all she could manage. It was here as she looked out across the water that she released her anger and the agonizing ache in her heart.

"WHY DO YOU HATE ME SO? WHY GIVE ME THE CHANCE TO FEEL ANYTHING IF YOU'RE ONLY GOING TO RIP IT BACK OUT FROM UNDER ME AGAIN?"

Midori screamed to the wind as she watched the water kissing the beach and pulling away. Her head fought for an answer that would not come. Sitting there in front of the great expanse, Midori fought off the urge to cry and ached with the loneliness of that missed communication. She hated how her loyalty had brought her here, missing her, and leading her into the longest most agonizing day of her life.


	2. Chapter 2

And now once again back into Sunrise's sandbox. I'm just playing here so read, enjoy, and review.

It's been a long time but there is finally something more to say.

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Midori woke from her nightmare startled and very stiff. She had fallen asleep at her laptop while working on a new research paper for the local historical journal. Since leaving Fuuka, Midori had been entrenched in digging through local lore and finding relevant bits and pieces that remained from the previous Hime Carnival. There was not a whole lot left to find, unless you knew exactly what you were looking for. As a former Hime, Midori knew quite well what to research.

The document on the screen was now close to thirty pages long and most of them filled with random letters from the keys Midori had pressed in her sleep. Midori looked at the document and deleted it, feeling queasy from the remnants of her nasty dream. It had been too long since Midori had spoken to anyone from Fuuka and she had yet to learn anything new here. The internet had provided her with the occasional comfort of a distant chat, but nothing more concrete.

With the ache still deep in her lower back, Midori headed for a nice hot shower and drowned away any memory of that lingering dream. As the hot water caressed her tired and sore muscles, Midori thought back to her last chat with her online friend, 'Another Lost Soul.' This woman was close to Midori's own age and looking for her lost love. Midori, on the other hand, was just looking for someone she could pass the lonely time with. It wasn't about a relationship for her, it couldn't be.

"I'm so sorry…" Midori said to the empty expanse of her apartment as she headed for her laptop once more.

Midori found an email from 'Another Lost Soul' waiting for her and was tempted, at first, to delete it. She toyed with the thought for a few minutes before sending it to a save file, where she had been keeping all of her communications with 'Another Lost Soul.' Fuuka's siren song was calling out to her again and Midori needed to find someone she could talk to. All she wanted to do was to go home, but Midori was unsure of how welcome she would be.

After the Carnival, Midori realized that the professor did not want a relationship with her and the person that did was now out of her reach. How many times did she hurt Youko with her insensitive advances? Every time was the answer Midori had in her head. There had been a lot of flirting going on between them when they were drunk, though it never followed into the light of day. With the ache in her heart to return home, Midori searched for 'Another Lost Soul' in their usual chat room. Before her name appeared on the screen, Midori saw the words.

Another…: So, I see you read my email. What happened to you last night? You weren't online.

Enlightened: Sorry, no, I didn't read the email. I came here, because I needed to talk.

Another…: Promise to read it later?

Enlightened: Sure

Another…: ok so talk to me

Enlightened: It's a little embarrassing, but I dreamt about you.

Another…: About me?

Enlightened: With all of the talking we've been doing recently, I guess you just slipped past my defenses.

Another…: Oh? Is this a good or bad thing?

Enlightened: Bad…I sort of stood you up. Just like me to hurt someone, even unintentionally.

Another…: It was a dream…no harm done.

Enlightened: No…no harm done yet. I've been thinking about the woman I left behind. How badly I know I hurt her.

Another…: If you don't mind can I ask about her and how you could have hurt her?

Enlightened: That's why I'm here. She was a very good and supportive friend that I met during my university days. No one has ever been as close or supportive since…except…well…you. I had feelings for her that at the time, I couldn't share with her because I knew she'd get hurt. Instead of opening up and sharing the truth with her, I drowned it all in alcohol.

Another…: I'm guessing that only made it worse…

Enlightened: Yes it did, because it allowed me to feel so much more freely. Well, I should say it allowed us to be more open and free. Each time we got drunk together, we got closer and closer to sharing physical intimacy.

Another…: Sounds like someone _I_ know and love dearly.

Enlightened: I left…and all I want to do is go back home.

Another…: Then come home.

Enlightened: What?

Another…: Come home, Midori.

Enlightened: Youko?

Another…: I'm signing off now. Go read your email and…just come home…please.


	3. Chapter 3

**DISCLAIMER: **Mai HiME and its characters are Sunrise property.

**AUTHOR'S NOTES: **Through all the insanity and the pain, I finally can call this story complete. My muse wouldn't let this rest. As a side note, this story is a companion piece to yurianimeotaku's 'Confrontation' and are meant to be read together.

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**Torn ch3**

Midori felt the hot tears well in her eyes. After all this time 'Another Lost Soul' turned out to be her Youko. How could it be that she did not realize that her online partner had been the woman she loved and left behind? There had been no signs…at least any she could remember.

Through the tearful haze, Midori searched each email. Midori ran to follow a man she thought she loved, trying to fool herself into believing she didn't love Youko. His was not the face she dreamed of so often, his were not the arms she longed to be held by. In truth, Midori always knew Professor Sasaki could never love her as more than a student.

Trepidation set in as her heart jumped, Youko, after all this time was calling her home. Midori felt the urge to pack up and run again. She used the guise of research before, she could do it again. Each line of the email, Midori read aloud to herself and the four walls. Each line Midori read gripped her heart and brought more tears and an occasional chuckle.

_Never mind the fact that it took two students, Yukino Kikukawa, Natsuki Kuga, and some gentleman named Yamada to find you. After all this time Midori Sugiura, I can finally admit I love you and want you to come home to me. My heart has been aching every night as we chat about our days. I've been so scared to tell you the truth but now…please just come home. I'll ask just once and then no more._

Midori looked around her Spartan apartment and cried some more. Even after all this time, Midori was still living a lie, still trying to run towards and away everything to do with the HiME and the Carnival. _'Research, what a bullshit excuse,'_ Midori screamed at the wall as she threw her papers at it. Tired of running, hiding, and trying to be strong, Midori re-examined her life as the hours droned on.

Midori popped open her cell phone and flipped through the few pictures she had saved inside. There were two pictures that stood out, calling out with the sounds of the season. Midori had received the image not long after she left Fuka; the first was the image of her and Youko with raised glasses and smiles on their faces.

The one that stole her heart though was one that could have been the cover of some magazine. Midori had caught Youko in a moment of quiet reflection after hearing of her departure. Tears started once more and this time Midori headed back to her computer to send her reply.

_In a few hours the sun will set, no longer on two lonely people. I'll be out of touch temporarily while I pack, before tomorrow dawns, Youko Sagisawa, I'll be home._

A few fast paced hours later, Midori's car was tearing its way back to Fuka; back to the woman she loved. No dust laden library basements, filled with obscure documents, could stand in her way. As each mile ticked off like a countdown, Midori realized she was heading towards her future, leaving the past in her wake.


End file.
